We all have tough days sometimes. From a spilled coffee ruining breakfast to sounds triggering memories ruining any chance of sleep, bad days can be as varied in cause and severity as they can be unpredictable. And it’s no secret that as bad days pile up without a network of support, our resilience to individual challenges can decrease.
The good news is that local resources helping to cope with these bad days - whatever their cause - are more plentiful than many of us think. Knowing what these resources are, understanding what services might be useful to you in each particular case, and being able connect with the right support when bad days happen is less common.
It’s time to fix this piece of the ongoing mental health struggle.
The Struggle of Stigma
Why is it so hard to connect? Mental health struggles are common, even among those who are assumed to be “tough” such as military personnel and first responders. But it’s especially among those communities that the stigma against seeking treatment is more prevalent, both from outside perceptions and - surprisingly - from within.
As part of the Veteran community, we encounter bad days more than most. Recent updates to the Department of Veteran Affairs’ mental health statistics show service-related suicide rates are 22% higher than the civilian rate, while Servicemembers and Veterans make up less than 6% of the population. This number also includes nearly 20% of the approximately 19 deaths a day attributed to those still in the service, a disproportionately high number of suicides among younger women Veterans, and a high ratio of Vietnam-era male deaths.
These statistics are not new, but even those inside the community forget that those without combat experience may suffer from severe depression, as do family members who also manage the stress of the military lifestyle and caregiving. These numbers are not always counted in suicide statistics, adding to the feelings of isolation or inadequacy about which many complain. Combined with the sometimes competitive nature within the ranks, the potential feeling increases of “Well my experience wasn’t as bad at that other person’s, so I don’t know that I should feel this way.”
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| Getting some cat, and nap, therapy |
You Deserve the Right Resource
Quick note from the author, who has been through this (and the therapy to manage it): that feeling of “should” anything is, in a word, crap. Different people react differently, and your moral injury or feeling of inadequacy or invisible trauma can be just as tough to manage long-term as the next person’s. We as a community need to stop comparing ourselves to each other.
Thankfully, more and more Veteran resources are beginning to acknowledge and include support each of the critical demographics, from combat Veterans to all service eras to Family and Caregiver mental health care. If you are a part of the community, there is support for you:
- Standard VA care: VA hospitals now offer emergency mental health services for six months to any Veteran or Servicemember, regardless of discharge status.
- Vet Centers: These outlets are part of the Department of Veteran Affairs but focus on mental health for Veterans while providing a more private setting, since they do not share records with the main VA hospital system.
- Mental Health Nonprofits: Headstrong Project’s national offices, military clinics at universities (like NYU Langone and around the country), and many others provide targeted therapy at no cost.
- Holistic Organizations: Project Healing Waters fly fishing, David Lynch Foundation meditation instruction, Serenity Stables equine therapy, outdoor options through Sierra Club and Team RWB, therapy dogs, and wellness retreats for individuals and families are only a few of the seemingly endless options.
Finding a Fit
The challenge with all of these options is figuring out what will best benefit your individual mental health. Is it a combination of equine therapy and regular visits to a mental health professional, or simply finding an activity or network that will help keep you feeling generally positive? And which organization is compatible with your personality?
Generally speaking, the way to figure this out is through asking others what worked for them. But because of the stigma, we tend to ask for recommendations for a nice restaurant or a new dentist and seldom for mental health. To combat this, we are starting to look more and more at science.
At Pathfinder.vet we use advances in artificial intelligence and analysis to step in, allowing a discrete understanding of your personality and how well you might fit with a particular organization. Our method of analysis is still relatively new in social services, but one that we feel will be critical in reducing the problems we face in the community.
We all have bad days, but there are enough people working to help us through those days that no one should ever feel alone. If there is a resource out there you tried, share it with others without fear of judgement or stigma.
Most importantly, find your fit. I promise it is out there, and to help you find it.
If you are in immediate crisis, contact the Veteran Crisis Line (family and caregivers, too!) at 1-800-273-8255.
Personal author’s note (CEO of Pathfinder.vet): This blog came after I had a particularly rough day, on the 13th anniversary of a roadside bomb in Iraq during which a good friend was killed after taking my seat on a routine mission. Every year it’s hard, but it gets gradually easier after having found my particular combination of therapeutic resources, networks, and activities. I consider myself lucky to have found these services, but would like to eventually take “luck” out of the equation through science. I hope others in the community can help this effort through their contributions of resources and shared experiences, so together we can all become healthier.